Grand Finale

I wrote the letter to my AnnaBella just hours before it was time to go in. The rest of the day seemed like minutes. I would relive them over and over every single day if I could. I'd stop each moment and take a mental picture of every single person I shared it with, especially every second of Hibdon & AnnaBella. 

We arrived about 20 minutes early, this is a really big deal to Hibdon & I, we are both late by nature. We typically arrive right on time or 5 minutes late. Not for AnnaBella, we couldn't wait to meet her. On the way there I thought I might get emotional, a little nervous or chatty. We both were calm, we had no idea what to expect & talked openly about not being nervous or anxious because we just didn't know. 

As we arrived the staff happily greeted us & showed us to our preop/recovery room. They got me all checked in, poked, strapped up & laid down. Handed Hibdon his scrubs & said "buzz if you need anything & Daddy be sure to put those on by 7". The next couple of hours were filled with nurses in & out. Everything from operation, nursery & lactation. They were all incredibly sweet, knowledgeable, & just kind for us first timers. By 6:30 I was able to shut my eyes & by 7 they were there & ready for me. As I got into the surgical room I was overwhelmed by roughly 10 people in scrubs. There was music playing that I didn't recognize. I thought about making a request for something Red Dirt, but then I realized that music may be helping my doctor get in the zone. 

I was sat on the table in a room that felt to be 20 below zero, I shivered uncontrollably, they gave me warm blankets & had me assume my position. My anesthesiologist was AMAZING, he said to be ready for a good sting & then I should feel my feet go numb. I felt nothing more than a flu shot sting & with about 10 seconds numb toes. 

They laid me on the table & got everything prepped. Once they were ready they quickly ushered Hibdon in. He looked a little overwhelmed when he walked in. Dr. N pointed to my head & said "That side of the curtain Big Daddy". Hibdon grabbed my hand & I started to feel pressure. I then had a sharp pain in my neck, I quickly told the anaesthiologist. He reassured me that was normal & gave me a play-by-play. He said "oh I see two cute little feet", the pressure got worse. "There's the body", more pressure. "Here comes the head", pressure was gone. 

The nurse motioned for Hibdon to snap a quick pic. Then she said he could come with her. The anaesthiologist told me how beautiful she was. I laid there as they began to sew me up. Finally, Hibdon came in with ABJ! I cried uncontrollably & he brought her in for our first kiss. The nurses didn't miss a beat & snapped as many pics as possible. They quickly went into another room & I waited & cried. The anaesthiologist gave me gauze & apologized for not having kleenexes. 

Finally, they finished and got me right into my recovery room. In that room sat my whole world. The man of my dreams holding my sweet princess. I held her & loved every second. Hibdon laid her on my chest, she instantly began to nurse & we snuggled for a good hour. After Hibdon & I soaked up our new sweet little family, our parents & siblings came in. They raved, held, kissed & were in awe of sweet AnnaBella Jane. 

AnnaBella Jane weighed in at 8lbs 3oz and 20" long. She has a full head of dirty blonde hair, it's even long in the back. Her chubby cheeks look just like her Daddy's baby pic. When she smiles Hibdon says she looks like me. 

We spent the weekend having loads of visitors. I worked on recovering from a csection & Hibdon worked on his diaper changing skills. We were pretty cozy in our hospital room. 

We had the best nurses we could ask for. The night nurse was a bit chatty, but as kind & supportive as could be. We were sad when she was off duty. The day nurse was a little more to the point, she has four kids. She gave me the best compliment at the end of our stay. She said, " you sure don't act like a first time mom. You are so relaxed & picked up nursing so easily". I quickly reminded her that she keeps me well supplied on pain medicine. She laughed & told me I would be just fine.

That I am, just fine. Everything is more than I could ever imagine.

PS it took me 3 attempts to write this post & now I'm finishing it after a 2:30 feeding. Of course I'm wide awake, quietly listening for AnnaBella's little grunts & breathing. Life is good. 

May 17th, 2013

Dear AnnaBella,

It's 3:09 am on Friday, May 17th, 2013. Today is more special than I can describe. I've been waiting on this day for quite some time. All day yesterday I thought about this day. I cleaned the entire house to keep me from going crazy for this day. I've been up at least 5 times from 10 pm until now. My alarm is set for 4 am, I'm watching the clock. 

I'm sure by now you recognize the date. This is the morning of your birth. You are a breech baby & require a c-section. You have been scheduled on a calendar of when I get to meet you. Daddy & I have been counting down the days to May 17th. We've been preparing our home, our lives & praying like crazy for God to prepare our hearts. I don't even know you yet & I love you. I've yet to feel a motherly instinct for real, but I'm dieing inside. The anxiety of meeting you is almost unbearable.

 I'm ready to hear your cry, this will be your voice to Daddy & me for quite some time. I'm ready to look into your eyes, I'm sure they are perfectly made. I can't wait to kiss your cheeks, they are most certainly round & needing affection. I keep thinking about holding you tiny hand & how perfectly Daddy & I's finger will fit. Your feet will need kisses as well, they are probably itching to be tickled by Daddy. I can't wait to see every single inch of you.

I have been given advice after advice on how to relax & get plenty of sleep, but it's not practical. They only thing I do have down is breathe, pray, repeat. I am not worried about the lack of sleep. I'm certain I will be used to the lack of sleep one month from now. I'm also certain that I will never sleep soundly again. 

Right now you are in my womb, protected from all. Daddy & I can keep a very close eye on you. When you enter this world we will loose the ability to keep you from all harm moment by moment. This breaks my heart. The only & most powerful thing I can do is breathe, pray & repeat. I will trust that God will protect you, keep you healthy, guide you & give you unconditional love. I pray you will always know this.

I want you to I know I love your Daddy more than I ever knew possible to love someone. Out of this amazing love we created you, God gave us you. Last night, as Daddy said the prayer he said "thank you for blessing us with AnnaBella". We will never stop praying that prayer. 

I don't even know you yet & you are my world. I don't even know you yet & my heart is full. I don't even know you yet & you complete me. I don't even know you yet & I can't wait to meet you.

In 3.5 hours, my life will change. So will yours. I'll see your face. I'll know every inch of you for the rest of your life.

I love you,

Momma

Waiting on a Baby

"I seriously don't care if my water breaks in public for all to see"- Me to Hibdon on being ready for AnnaBella.

This is it, the last week....

It's 4 days & counting. I'm going crazy. Like really crazy, stir crazy for sure. Starting last Wednesday at 2 am I began having horrid back pain & what felt like horrid cramps. I could barely walk. I went to work & things just got worse. So I went home at lunch & called the nurse. She said it could be like this for a while & monitor my contractions. When they become 5-7 min apart, come to the hospital. Well, the rest of Wednesday went by with no relief. I called the doctor on-call around 8ish, he said to come in & get checked out. After an annoying amount of time at the hospital they said I'm dilated between a 1-2 & my contractions aren't consistent enough. Basically they gave me the boot at 1 am & said go home, take it easy. I have spent the past 4 days "taking it easy". Every time I do something more than laying in my bed or sucked into the couch, I start hurting. 

Last night, was no exception. Only a little worse. Lets add being nauseous & major headaches to the list. Poor Hibdon has been a champ. If this is my whining in the blog, you can only imagine what he has to hear. 

So, I will continue to rest, but I would happily be at work. I would love to sit at my desk, go through every email, attend meetings, meet the girls for lunch, stay late to wrap things up. Anything to keep my mind off waiting for a baby.

It's been a good, bizarre, interesting, humble, amazing ride. I'm very happy to see it end. Not only does the sucky part end, but the baby girl part begins. Holding her in my arms, smelling her little baby smell, kissing every perfect little inch of her, nursing her, baby talking her, just gobbling her up.  I get to see Hibdon in a new light, I get to fall in love with all over again. I get to see excitement in the grandparents faces. 

On a side note I can now relate way more to my soon to be 2 year old nephew.  After the week of feeling like poo, Aub brought E over to let Uncle Adam rough house with him. They did & E never slowed down. He jumped, ran, giggled, climbed & wrestled. He couldn't even help from swinging his feet when he ate at the table. 

That's how I feel all the built up energy of waiting for Miss AnnaBella. I twiddle my thumbs & swing my feet. I keep telling myself the mantra of "it won't be like this for long". I think it helps. In the meantime, I will time every long drawn out cramp, back spasm, wedge every pillow, elevate my feet, drink more water than in Birch Lake, pause during every pee break to be sure it's not a water break. I'll do all these things while waiting on a baby. 

Chubby!

So, week 33 sucked, BUT week 37 rocked my socks off!

Monday I had the day off. I had some extra special best friend time with Tator. A doctors appointment with Hibdon in which Dr. N told us she will probably come sooner. Tuesday I get to work & Im pulled aside to talk about a position change opportunity. This change was a promotion! I was so excited & shocked. I work for literally the best company ever, ever. I'm so thankful & my heart is so full. God is so very good to me

The rest of the week was nice, had a little extra time with Hibdon & my Thunder moved onto the next round in the playoffs. Life is good.

As I began week 38, I'm rushing around to get my current role wrapped up & prepare for my new role. In the meantime I've had some pregnancy changes.

I'm definitely leaking (sorry to be so open) and cramps (big daddy cramps) are starting. Today I woke up & got into the shower only to notice my belly felt very small. As I'm getting ready I can feel AnnaBella more prominent & less of my big belly. Apparently, I have been leaking a lot. I get a little over excited & convince myself my water may have broken. Hibdon being the laid back guy, did not jump on the band wagon. Thankfully we had another appointment with Dr. N. I barely let him get into the door when I said "So, ok, this is how I've been feeling". First he confirms she has plenty of fluid around her. Then he gets on to me for not calling him when the leaking & cramps started on Saturday. Finally he says....you're not going to make it to the 20th. Lets move you up to the 17th, if you can make it until then. Wowzers! I'm ready!! Of course, that wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear right then because I had my adrenaline going from the "oh I think my water broke moment", but I'm thankful she has a little time to develop & she's still coming early. He also said she's going to be one big baby. I love big babies & chubby cheeks. Love them! Could seriously gobble them up.

So I'm pumped, I'm ready. 9 days & counting!