May 17th, 2013

Dear AnnaBella,

It's 3:09 am on Friday, May 17th, 2013. Today is more special than I can describe. I've been waiting on this day for quite some time. All day yesterday I thought about this day. I cleaned the entire house to keep me from going crazy for this day. I've been up at least 5 times from 10 pm until now. My alarm is set for 4 am, I'm watching the clock. 

I'm sure by now you recognize the date. This is the morning of your birth. You are a breech baby & require a c-section. You have been scheduled on a calendar of when I get to meet you. Daddy & I have been counting down the days to May 17th. We've been preparing our home, our lives & praying like crazy for God to prepare our hearts. I don't even know you yet & I love you. I've yet to feel a motherly instinct for real, but I'm dieing inside. The anxiety of meeting you is almost unbearable.

 I'm ready to hear your cry, this will be your voice to Daddy & me for quite some time. I'm ready to look into your eyes, I'm sure they are perfectly made. I can't wait to kiss your cheeks, they are most certainly round & needing affection. I keep thinking about holding you tiny hand & how perfectly Daddy & I's finger will fit. Your feet will need kisses as well, they are probably itching to be tickled by Daddy. I can't wait to see every single inch of you.

I have been given advice after advice on how to relax & get plenty of sleep, but it's not practical. They only thing I do have down is breathe, pray, repeat. I am not worried about the lack of sleep. I'm certain I will be used to the lack of sleep one month from now. I'm also certain that I will never sleep soundly again. 

Right now you are in my womb, protected from all. Daddy & I can keep a very close eye on you. When you enter this world we will loose the ability to keep you from all harm moment by moment. This breaks my heart. The only & most powerful thing I can do is breathe, pray & repeat. I will trust that God will protect you, keep you healthy, guide you & give you unconditional love. I pray you will always know this.

I want you to I know I love your Daddy more than I ever knew possible to love someone. Out of this amazing love we created you, God gave us you. Last night, as Daddy said the prayer he said "thank you for blessing us with AnnaBella". We will never stop praying that prayer. 

I don't even know you yet & you are my world. I don't even know you yet & my heart is full. I don't even know you yet & you complete me. I don't even know you yet & I can't wait to meet you.

In 3.5 hours, my life will change. So will yours. I'll see your face. I'll know every inch of you for the rest of your life.

I love you,

Momma